Saturday, January 27, 2007

The Adventures of Finicky Stinx and the warblers

Kurt Birdbrain was a warbler. He was an inauspicious bird from an inauspicious meadow. The meadow was near an inauspicious ranch owned by an inauspicious farmer. The only thing that wasn't inauspicious was the farmer's cat. He was auspicious. His name was Finicky Stinx. Finicky Stinx was more than just an ordinary cat. He was an attitude. He ruled the farm with an iron paw. He was large for a cat, almost 3 feet long long from head to tail. He had a big brown head with huge black whiskers. And if you have heard the song "Smelly Cat", you would also know what he smells like. Though by his name you couldn't tell, he was the luckiest cat alive. And that was counting all nine of them. This is a story about something that happened during one of those lives.

From Jimi Hendrix, to Led Zeppelin, to the Mommas and the Poppas, to Duran Duran. They all smelled of Finicky Stinx. He had an ear for music. He was the cat. He had discovered the Mommas and the Poppas at a bird bath in Kensington, Kentucky. He had discovered Duran Duran in a bar in Manchester. The band Stray Cats had Finicky Stinx written all over them. And the Cure had written their signature song Love Cats with Finicky in mind. He had retired just a month before to the inauspicious farm for a well deserved retirement of chasing birds and napping by the river.

Kurt Birdbrain knew the one secret about Finicky Stinx. If he liked your music, he wouldn‚t chase you. If he loved your music, he wouldn‚t let the other cats chase you. And if he really loved your music, he would do you bidding. Kurt Birdbrain rose from the bottom of the flock to the top, all because of Finicky Stinx. From the moment of his first peep as his head popped out of the shell, Finicky knew that Kurt‚s was the new face of music.

As Kurt grew from a tiny chick to a full grown warbler, his reputation spread beyond the farm as his music and talent seemed to grow to new heights. At one concert, he performed on the tallest tree in the mountain. Afterwards, Finicky introduced him to a cockatoo. He had a long, purposeful beak, for a cockatoo, and fluffy white feathers. He said that was the most amazing performance he had ever heard. He wanted Kurt to join a band he was forming, Birdvana. There were there other members, a duck, a parakeet, and pigeon that played drums. Kurt became the lead singer.

From then on, Kurt's life moved so fast that he couldn‚t keep track of it. Concerts, albums and crowds filled his life. Not only did birds and cats attend the concerts, but pretty soon the squirrel and gopher communities were among his fans. He even thought he saw some coyotes at one of his concerts, hidden under a log so the other cats wouldn‚t make fun of them. There were parties and delicious dinners where the finest worms and grubs were served. He had to hire some crows to guard his family from all the attention. He married. And his wife also formed her own band to open for his. Her name was Courtney Dove.

Soon Kurt and Courtney moved out of the farm to the Redwood Forest, the tallest trees in the world. From his perch, he could look down over the rest of the animal kingdom without even flapping his wings. It was a good idea too, since realized he didn‚t like all the attention down below. In fact, he was starting to have nightmares. He dreamt of being smothered by thousands of birds, or being chased by cats and losing his ability to fly, or losing his ability to sing. In his waking life, everywhere he went, birds and other animals yelled his name and crowded him:.Birdbrain, Birdbrain.

To escape the pressure he started drinking from honeysuckle berries. Warblers were not supposed to drink from honeysuckle berries. But he couldn‚t help it. It allowed him to escape the pressure and attention so he could concentrate on his music. But soon his music was starting to suffer too. His wife, bandmates, and Finicky started to worry. During a set on Jay Leno, he almost forgot the lines to his group‚s number 1 hit.

Then Finicky realized it was time for an intervention. He could not stand the partying and the drama. And he knew that birds don‚t have nine lives, like cats. He convinced Courtney to help him. She gathered Kurt‚s friends under her wings and they had a conference. The next day, under a full moon, they confronted Kurt. You have to stop eating the honeysuckle berries, they said to him. It will ruin your life. Wisely, he listened. He and his family flew to the island of the dancing bears. It was dangerous island for most animals since the bears constantly wandered around looking for tasty snacks. Luckily, as birds they were safe up in the tall trees. And the bears loved and guarded the honeysuckle berries, so he could never drink from them. Soon, he lost his craving and he stopped having nightmares. He finally felt content.

Kurt and Courtney decided to simplify their life and move back to the farm halfway up the hill. Kurt slowed his life down, touring only half the time that he used to. And Finicky retired for good. Birdvana had many more successful years together. And Kurt, Courntey and Finicky lived long and had good lives and became examples of how the bird and cat communities could live together in harmony.